Stupid is as Stupid Does!
Formerly titled You Can’t Make This Stuff Up.

While President Obama continues to decide whether he has the stomach to take seriously and challenge the extreme conservative flank of the Republican Party on health care reform, it’s always refreshing to know that we can count on some of the more unhinged of the conservative movement to strut their stuff and give us a few lowlights.

So, with that in mind, I have decided to launch a new monthly entry, titled, Stupid is as Stupid Does. Each month I will pick three contestants who have distinguished themselves in the annals of stupidity. I know it will be difficult, given that there are so many contestants to choose from and so little space. And, of course, there are some individuals who will be frequent flyers, if you know what I mean.

So let's start the festivities, shall we?

First Place in this month’s contest goes to Sarah Palin, now former governor of Alaska, who just can’t resist reassuring the millions of Americans who didn’t vote for her last year that they made the right choice. Seems she’s been blogging on her Facebook page and had some choice words about President Obama’s health care plan.

"The America I know and love is not one in which my parents or my baby with Down Syndrome will have to stand in front of Obama's 'death panel' so his bureaucrats can decide, based on a subjective judgment of their 'level of productivity in society,' whether they are worthy of health care. Such a system is downright evil."

Now of course Palin is not the only conservative who has deliberately distorted for political purposes what’s in the health care plan, but not even the most partisan hacks have invoked the term death panel. When you’re further to the right than most of the space cadets who have shown up at the town hall meetings and engaged in staged shouting matches you’re about as fringe as it gets. Rumor has it that Palin has decided to go out on the stump for Republican congressmen and senators during the 2010 mid-terms and that the vast majority of them have not returned her phone calls. I can’t imagine why.

Runner up goes to the self-proclaimed “mobfather” of the lunatic Right, Rush Limbaugh, who never lets an opportunity to embarrass himself go by. This time he has truly gone all out by comparing Barack Obama to Adolph Hitler.

“Ms. Pelosi, you asked for this. Here you go. Adolf Hitler, like Barack Obama, also ruled by dictate. His cabinet only met once, one day. That was it. Hitler said he didn’t need to meet with his cabinet. He represented the will of the people. He was called The Messiah. He said the people spoke through him. Do you know what the very first law that Hitler ordained was? The very first law was a law declaring how to cook lobsters. They were to be boiled. That was deemed to be the least painful. The law was sent around to all the restaurants. Now, does this sound like something any conservative president has ever done or does it sound like the things that liberals are doing all over this country? The links to show you just how off-the-wall radical environmentalist the Nazis were are posted now at the top of RushLimbaugh.com. Okay, Ms. Pelosi. You say you see swastikas? Well, when it comes to it, you look much more like one than any of us ever will.”

BTW, the reference that Limbaugh is making regarding Pelosi has to do with a comment she made about some of the, shall we say, more enlightened of the town hall meeting attendees who were sporting swastika tattoos. She was not insinuating that these deranged individuals were in any way connected to the Republican Party; merely that they were being incited by radical elements within it. Not that that matters to the likes of a Limbaugh. The only thing he seems concerned about these days is his maniacal hatred for anything Obama.

But our third place winner this month is a tie between personal favorites, Michelle Malkin and Glenn Beck. Talk about persistence paying off. Malkin appeared on last week’s The View, which for her is analogous to a vampire staying up to see the sunrise. Malkin is promoting her new book “Culture of Corruption” to people who actually read, which means she has to leave the comfort zone of her fan base who are barely above crayons. The book, all 400 pages of it, chronicles all of the scandals and lies of President Obama. While I haven’t had the honor and privilege of picking it up, much less thumbing through its pages, what puzzles me is how this so-called journalist can write a comprehensive book on a 6-month old administration, yet said virtually nothing during the interminable eight-year reign of King George II. Hmmm. As for Captain Video, who was last month's winner all by himself with his now infamous interview of Michael Scheuer in which Scheuer said that the only chance we had was for bin Laden to attack us again with Smiley just nodding stupidly throughout the whole interview. Well this time all he managed to do was call the President a racist, joke about Nancy Pelosi drinking a glass of wine that he had poisoned, and drum roll please, state that the government, through its Cash for Clunkers Program, was looking to take over your computer. He referred to a link on the government website cars.gov which states that your computer is “now the property of the United States.” Turns out the alleged link was never on cars.gov, but on another site where dealers had to register to get their rebates; the consumer was never under any threat alleged or real of losing their privacy, not to mention their computers. Seriously, Glenn, I know all of you are paranoid about the government and even more pissed off that you have to look at a Democrat in the Oval Office for the next three and a half years, but enough is enough. I don’t expect much when I watch Fox, which thankfully isn’t all that often, but calling the President a racist and just flat out making up stuff about government programs you have stated you don’t like in the first place is beneath even you.

So there you have it. This month’s “Stupid is as Stupid Does” awards. Stay tuned next month to see who our winners will be; or you can just watch Fox News.